summer 2026 reflection + rebuilding

omfg, it has finally come. the end of a chapter and a start of a new one.

i went from being back home, working for kruiz and waiting for my life to finally pick back up, to moving to la and starting at nbc. and holy fuck, life really did pick up. i had so much fucking fun this summer.

they really do say the longer you wait for something, the more you appreciate it when it finally comes. all of that waiting was worth it because this summer ended up being just as memorable, if not even more memorable, than my last.

first off, i moved to la.

that in itself is still crazy to me. i've lived in the suburbs of san jose and pomona basically my entire life, and now i'm finally out. i moved in with one of my close buddies, brian, and we've really been making the most out of this whole experience. it's only been around 2.5 months in noho and somehow it feels like i packed 2 years worth of new experiences/character development into this period of time.

i went on a lot of dates with a lot of different people, had my first actual talking stage in a while (i ended it but it was a good exp), and pushed myself outside of my comfort zone. i started cold approaching people, talking to strangers in public, and doing things without constantly worrying about whether someone was judging me.

going on dates with different people taught me more about how i connect with others and what i actually want. meeting new people taught me how to have deeper conversations. putting myself in uncomfortable situations taught me how to carry myself better. and through all the experiences i actively sought out, i've learned more about inspiring people, bringing people together, and becoming the type of leader i want to be.

and through all of that, i just became so much more fucking confident in myself.

i feel like everything i worked on during that year i spent back home after graduating is finally kicking in. all the philosophy i listened to, all the mental battles i went through, all the time i spent in the gym, and all those moments where it felt like nothing was really happening in my life were actually building something.

now i'm actually putting it into practice.

i go out, meet people, stand with my chest out, and speak confidently. i'm not nearly as intimidated by people as i used to be. i'm not as scared of rejection anymore either. i expect it to come. in my head, the more rejections i get, the more i'm doing things right.

also, if someone doesn't fuck with me or chooses someone else, that's okay. i know who i am and what i bring to the table. i'm confident enough in myself to know they're missing out. 

and i think that confidence also helped me learn something else this summer: how to leave.

for most of my life, i've been someone who chases. i hold onto people, situations, and feelings because i'm scared of losing them. now i'm starting to understand that sometimes growth means choosing yourself and walking away. it means being willing to take a chance on change instead of settling for something just because it's comfortable or familiar.

i'm really fucking grateful for all of it. that year at home gave me the time to work on myself, but actually going out and experiencing everything for myself this summer is what showed me how much that work actually changed me.

at the same time, this summer wasn't only about meeting new people. i also got to reconnect with so many people i care about. as my life keeps changing, i want to keep valuing the relationships i've built over the years while also continuing to create new ones.

i've already gotten close with some of the other media techs, and i'm excited to see what those friendships turn into as we go through this program together. i've already done so much in such a short amount of time in la, and this program gives me the freedom to focus more on my personal life too.

i want to keep saying yes to new experiences, exploring new places, meeting random people, building friendships, dating, learning, and just seeing where life takes me.

and yeah... hopefully somewhere in all of that, i find love too :3

because as much as i've learned to love the life i've built on my own, there's still a part of me that misses having someone i truly love there beside me. i've rebuilt myself after joanna 🥲, and i'm proud of where i've gotten, but i'm still searching for a connection that gives me we once had, or hopefully something even greater.

i'm not going to settle just because i miss that feeling, but i'm also not going to pretend that i'm not looking for it.

BUT also this program has me moving so much idk if it's even logical to get into something serious. but ig we'll see.

summer 2026 was the summer i finally got out, started living again, and realized just how much i'd grown during the time when it felt like my life wasn't moving at all.

and somehow, it feels like everything is only just beginning.