life update

i remember going into 2025 knowing there was going to be so much change. graduation, living my last moments in college with my college friends, looking for a job, maybe getting one. moving out of chino hills. i was excited, but a little scared of the unknown.

and shit... i was right. the excitement was justified—i made life-long memories this year. and the fear, well... we'll talk about that later

the year started off really strong.

retreat was a blast—definitely one of my favorite memories of 2025. then came the akpsi mixer, which was an amazing time too.

but then tragedy hit.

it was one of the lowest moments of my life. one of my closest friends passed away. the things i mentioned earlier—he was there with me. we were in the same group. i loved him so much. i know i've talked about it a lot in my blog, but it still gets to me. i never understood true grief until this happened.

and on top of that, i lost someone else in a different way over a year ago.

you'd think it gets easier, but it hasn't. dealing with loss is hard. i'm still trying to find my way through it. still trying to understand how to live with grief. it changed my life forever. some days i feel so shitty. i lose motivation. it’s hard to see the point sometimes, knowing life can end just like that and nothing would matter.

and yk, there’s no clear answer to any of this.

that’s something i’ve been realizing. i’m an analytical thinker—i like solving problems, finding solutions. but this is different. people are different. there’s no “chatgpt answer” for how to get through grief. i have to go through it myself. figure it out. maybe there isn’t something that works best. maybe it’s just something i have to live with for the rest of my life.

anyway, despite all that, i still made the most of my last semester

spent a lot of time with friends, took grad pics, went to and threw parties, went clubbing. it was amazing. that grad party → graduation the next day → family bar hopping that night → then flying to new hampshire at 4am for my internship was insane. i’ll never forget that.

then the trip to new york with nathan, brandon, and ramarru—so fun. life-long memories. all the sharkies nights too. going on work days like psychos. good times. then i had some family time back home for the fourth of july, hung with bay friends. and now i’m spending my last weeks in socal. it’s bittersweet, but i’m trying to soak it all in.

work is work. still looking for a full-time. i will get six figures for my job. i’m manifesting that shit.

but yeah, that’s been life. kinda just writing random shit. probably should put this in my journal, but no one reads this anyway, so fuck it.

see ya soon.