fuck it

i used to be very shy and afraid of trying new things. tbh, i still overthink and am afraid of change.

however, when i begin overthinking, i just tell myself:

"fuck it, nothing matters."

this mindset has helped me throughout my high school and college years. it made me put myself out there more and care less about what people think about me. i went through incredible experiences that shaped my life for the better.

for example, when my friends invite me out to an event, but i'm too lazy to get out of bed, i always say "fuck it" and end up going. usually, i have a great time! even when i don't, i'm glad i experienced it, because it was something new, instead of laying in bed and knowing what to expect.

or when i'm sad about something, frustrated at someone, or mad at some shit that happened, i tell myself it's not that deep. it doesn't matter in the long run.

my best friend in high school, john mai, helped me realize this. this guy did not give a fuck about anything. he gives 0 shits, in the best possible way.

however, it's a double-edged sword. i make impulsive decisions. i also brush off my emotions. sometimes they're not fully gone and build up. when it all explodes, my emotions are very hard to handle.

i'm still trying to figure shit out and find a balance between things. but yea, this was really random, but it's something i realized i did a lot.

peace.